Woven

A couple weeks ago they showed a clip at church of the guy who does 'Laughing your way to a better marriage' and he talked about how different men and women's brains are. You know the whole spaghetti verses waffle thing.....

Anyway, it really got me thinking about how that has some application to the way I think of Drew, the Clark family, the grief process, and so on. The whole situation really is woven into my thoughts. I think of the loss of Drew so often. Mostly when the boys are playing together. It hurts me so much to think that Peyton had this and now he doesn't. It hurts me to know that Kari and Jordan watched Peyton and Drew interact and they felt that indescribable joy that a parent feels when they see their children laughing and playing with each other. I think of Peyton and how he has always loved being around other kids and pray for him to have the best little buddies a kid can possibly have. I pray for a best friend for him at church, kindergarten, where ever it may be to help fill the void of Drew. I have many friends who didn't have siblings and they didn't care, but it's hard to miss what you've never had. And all of us in this family have siblings, we know the memories that were made with them. So I pray. I pray for friends and hopefully another sibling some day. I thought about getting him a puppy for Christmas, but wasn't sure how that would go over:)

Right now for me, I feel like my thoughts are not directly of Drew, but of life without Drew. Everyday I wonder how Kari and Jordan are doing. I wonder what it is like for them at church and around their friends. And by the way, I think you have done a good job of letting us into those feelings - I just think of your journey so often. Sorry doesn't begin to describe how bad I feel that your heart has to ache that bad. I stop and pray for you guys through out the day. I stop and think of you all the time. People are always telling me, and I'm sure the rest of you too, that they appreciate their children so much more because of Drew. Well, I don't know if it's because of the way I'm wired or because I am so much closer to the situation than they are but I have gone so far past appreciation that I experience a sense of guilt often for our children. My thoughts on those feelings get all jumbled when I try to put it into words. In a nut shell it's just not fair. I am trying to turn my feelings of frustration into motivation to be a better Christian, to cherish relationships, and to challenge myself to show more and more love.

Back to woven. I believe it is worth thinking about the difference in men (Dennis you might be an odd ball to this) and women's brains may affect the grief process. I know that Kevin and I grieve differently and it's not that one of us aches more than the other. We just ache differently. He aches for Kari as his beloved sibling and for Jordan as a father. While I ache as a mother, a pregnant emotional one right now. Kevin stores his in a box and mine is intertwined. It's just interesting.

Well on a much lighter note and if you are needing a laugh right now. Watch this video clip, it is very enlightening and funny all at the same time. Love you all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxtUH_bHBxs