We love you all.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
It's Saturday midday and Jordan and I were chatting about Drew on the way to the dump (we decided to take dating to a whole new level) and about how odd it is that you can go from one emotion to another so quickly. We were at small group last night, talking afterwards about the wonderful messes that babies make and I think we both checked out of the conversation at some point remembering the messes Drew made. We were both transported back to the last couple days at the hospital and the messes we didn't mind cleaning up. We were laughing one moment and then suddenly transported to a different world. I am glad Drew comes into my thoughts often, but it often takes me by surprise and at the strangest times. I can go for quite a while without thinking of him with any emotion, but then the emotion hits and I remember what it was like to hold him, to love him, and to be with him. It's good I guess that the moments balance themselves out! I only have so much fluid to spare in my body!
Friday, November 28, 2008
What does the daily journey look like?
Jordan and I have found the grief process to be a bit of a self-consuming process at times. We often go through the day just functioning and may not get a chance to stop and check in to see what the other's experience of the day was. Through this experience I am realizing there are many more experiences of grief than just our immediate family's and we would like to know what it looks like for you. Please tell us what your experience has been to date, what you felt at different points over Drew's life and illness, what your thoughts on God have been around this, and most of all, what you are feeling on a given day. We want to hear it!
I'll provide the first example... today was a great day with Peyton. We went to gymnastics and had a great time there and then running errands afterward. As always, there is an awareness of Drew there, but I didn't feel the sadness that may sometimes accompany it. I started the day with a hug of his blanket and a, "good morning" but then carried on. At about 3:00 p.m. I was writing an update for the blog and realized it has been two months today. Oh. Sadness hit. I was taken back immediately and was surprised how quickly the tears surfaced. They come and go so abruptly sometimes. I allowed this surge to wash over me for a while before I reached composure of some sort and carried on yet again. A short while later, Leigh-Ann Holmgren brought flowers by to let us know that she remembered it was the 28th. While she was the only one who commented on it, I am sure there were many others who thought of it, but in a way it feels as though life is carrying on for many and we are becoming a statistic. Sad, but I guess that's life. Why does Drew have to be just another? Can he be more than just another in our extended family? We are fortunate to have such a wonderful family and we love you all very much - thank you for honoring Drew in so many ways. He was well-loved and if any saw God through anything in this experience it would undoubtedly be through the love of our family!
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